By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize