ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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