Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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