you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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