quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize