GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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