i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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