dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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