I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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