Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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