final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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