i already hear my dad disowning me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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