She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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