At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this is an emotional support booty call
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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