i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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