You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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