The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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