and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize