Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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