I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize