Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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