You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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