Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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