there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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