her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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