that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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