My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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