i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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