I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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