I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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