So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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