I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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