i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the raccoons are back...
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