And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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