Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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