I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize