I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize