Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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