i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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