Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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