No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize