Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He did a backflip because drugs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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