My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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