he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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