I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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