my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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