I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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