I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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