hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize