Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize